Rena România

Relationship as an hsp

4 Replies
  • Rena

    Hello everyone! :)

    I'm new here and this is my first topic. I already posted my introduction too. So now I want to start talking with my hypersensitive fellows. How do you guys, who are in a relationship, manage it? In my case, I am a very jealous person and that caused lots of trouble in my relationship. I overthink everything a lot and I can easily find a jealousy trigger. Even though for many people it can sound  irrational, well for me it's a real bother. But I'm doing my best to manage it, because I don't want to make my partner unhappy, but in the same time I have moments when I'm out of control and I need reassurance. Many times I was thinking that there might be a cause for this jealousy but now I'm more thinking that this may be me and given that I'm an hsp, it makes sense. So I would like to know if any of you guys experience something like this, or any other relationship issue and how manage it. I'm looking forward to hear your replies. :) 

  • Ryan

    Sometimes I can feel something is wrong in my relationship, but I don't know what it is, and that causes me a lot of distress, especially if my wife is reticent to share her feelings and thoughts. I've been married for 15 years, so we've begun to adjust to these mismatches. But I think it's important that you explain to your partner that you can feel something is off without assuming the worst. Just because we pick up on emotion more than other people doesn't mean we know what's going on.
    So you need to find a way to have the discussion in a positive tone and then evaluate from there. If you start by accusing, it's very hard to end the conversation on a positive note. But if you start positive, you can always take a more serious tone later if you discover that your partner is behaving badly.
    Also, it's likely that we imagine the hurt that would result from a breakup more vividly than other people (non-HSPs) because we realize that we feel emotion more vividly in general. This anticipation can be crippling. It's important to remind yourself that you can't control what your partner does and that heartbreak is sometimes just a part of life. But I wouldn't recommend dwelling on those thoughts. Try to occupy your mind with interests/hobbies/passions, like your art, and stay positive for the future as much as you can. I hope that helps. Good luck!

  • Jessica

    Hi Rena! I'm new here too, and I can relate to what you're saying. I find myself jealous from time to time and it's a terrible feeling. I have a habit of "loyalty checking" my husband- but not in an accusatory or ultimatum way, I just ask "Are we ok?" every so often. This used to upset him, until I sat him down and tried to explain that the jealousy isn't about him, it's about MY self worth. I had a tough childhood which has left me with a pretty low opinion of myself. I'm working on that through therapy. Essentially what I'm doing with my questioning is asking 'Am I still good enough for you?' Now that my husband knows I'm not accusing him of anything, he's much happier about answering my questions. I just have to keep in mind the big picture and try hard not to overthink things (I realize how hard that is though!). I hope that made sense! It reminds me of this comic...

    • Bri

      A lot of your comments resonate with me too - as a male HSP - I am very attuned to silences, and mood. Quality communication is very important to me. I seem to need more depth than my partner was often willing to go into, due to her tiredness and workload.

      On the other hand I am paranoid of being seen as ‘needy’ - which I do not think I am! , But I’m constantly questioning myself., thinking ‘why am I like this?’
      I seem to feel the need to ask if things are OK a lot, due to the way things ‘feel’ - I just can’t help it. I’m in a distance relationship at the moment (30 miles) - where text is the main form of communication most days (and more-so with UK lockdown restrictions) and that is a bit of a nightmare!

  • Rena

    Hello and sorry for my late response. Thanks for your answers , I m happy to hear your opinions and I can relate to your experience, both of you. Oh and that comic.. true story haha . I also wanna say that I have a clear image in my mind about how a happy relationship should be. I think that when two people love each other things shouldn t be so difficult . Yes , of course people are different and we have to do an effort to adjust to someone else when its a commitment, but mainly good things should come naturally, such as the sense of security , kindness , respect , and overall feeling loved. Sometimes people think that i m dreaming about an ideal situation but it s not exactly like that . Unfortunately, in my relationship that is not really happening and I started to doubt it, but I love my partner and we are doing our best to make an improvement even though it feels so difficult.