Kindlywired

Hi from Scotland

3 Replies
  • HSPisme
    HSPisme

    Hi All

    I only found out I was a HSP personality type about three years ago.

    I still have tremendous amount if work to do but after some counselling due to a family issue, it opened my eyes and not in a good way. 

    I think being a parent started me on this revelation about myself and in some ways why I am the person I am today. Emotional neglect, being misunderstood, unsupported and being told to stop being sensitive and loneliness pretty much sums up my upbringing

    I feel a desperate need to connect with those that understand our personality type due to still not feeling like I'm being understood at the age of 37.

    Hope I can find it here? 

  • Ryan
    Ryan

    I feel the same way, with a similar timeline. I'm also 37. I'm not sure when I began to feel hypersensitive because for many years I didn't characterize it as such. I've always been lonely, but I've also always felt that I had a perspective that was needed, just not appreciated. I'm now learning how to use my empathy by structuring it in a social approach. My mistake for many years was withdrawing as a result of a combination of loneliness due to my rare personality and childhood trauma. Over the past few years, I've been attempting to conceptualize people differently, and I've learned that human beings at root attempt to be paradoxical and end up becoming contradictions in terms. This goes for all of us, non-HSPs and HSPs, and any other category of human. Once you realize that, you can begin to look for patterns in behavior, fueled by your empathic abilities, and start navigating social life better. Granted, this is informed by my personal philosophy / beliefs / spirituality. However, I think it holds. And although it is useful to begin thinking of people this way, once you begin looking more inward, it can become disturbing as well, as you realize that you too are a contradiction. Empaths do have better potential to de-escalate human conflict, changing the terms from dichotomous (me against you) to ecologic (with overlapping interests), but turning the microscope on yourself is just painful. Even more odd is to consider that, given that most people are not particularly empathic, it's quite likely that people in general are not supposed to look inwardly too deeply. In fact, discussing issues with others, like we're doing here, is more likely to reduce our symptoms of loneliness, as compared to excessive introspection. This is why, once COVID is controlled in our respective locations, we need to go into our communities and interact face-to-face with people. This is especially true if you do too much navel gazing like I do.

  • HSPisme
    HSPisme

    Hi Ryan

    Withdrawing is something I do when things are leading to conflict.
    I have not been able to put down boundaries and think I still struggle with that now. So I feel like I take the easiest way out by withdrawing and never speaking of it again. This can be painful in that I will never know what would happen if I just spoke up etc.
    I often feel like I wish I knew what a normal reaction to difficult situation was. How would a well balanced person react?
    I still feel like I need to teach the the inner child how to navigate the world. But worrying when I have children of my own!

    • Ryan
      Ryan

      I don't think withdrawal as a function of hypersensitivity to conflict means that you are not well balanced, but I do know how you feel. I think that we have options to improve our response. We can try to process emotions more quickly so that we have more opportunity to set boundaries before it's too late. We can use our empathy to understand the other individual so that we know how to better respond and set boundaries. I have been able to understand my wife a lot better over the last couple years, and I've realized that a lot of what I thought about her over the years was wrong. That also gives me a bit more confidence because I generally know how she will respond when I talk to her now, and I know her general frame of mind.
      If you are looking for a more overt boost of confidence, look into taking a martial arts class (once safe to do so in your area) or something similar that will help you feel like you have more control.
      Being a father myself, I recognize that there are some things that I will not be able to teach my daughter well. She's not going to learn how to be cool from me, or how to fit in. But I think most parents have a blind spot. As long as we are aware of our blind spots, we can compensate for them. I really believe that people who think that they know exactly how to navigate the world, whatever their age, are simply fooling themselves and likely putting people around them in danger.